Presence, Not Balance

Fitness professionals, by nature of their work, tend to revolve their lifestyles around fitness. They look after their health, they engage in regular exercise and they probably make sure they eat many fruits and vegetables. Then there are those people who shudder at the word ‘exercise’. They have sedentary jobs, then come home from work to sit on the couch whilst eating a warmed up frozen meal with the only thing reminiscent of a vegetable being the marinara sauce.

What I have described here are two extremes; two opposite ends of the spectrum and most of us would fall somewhere inbetween.

If you follow any ‘fitspo’ online, you will more than likely have encountered at least one post where they discuss ‘balance’. It is often described as something to strive for and tends to be showcased as an achievement; that someone has found ‘balance’. They tend to reference prior experiences or a prior lifestyle as being extremist and isolating and now that they have relaxed, they are ‘balanced’ or ‘live a balanced lifestyle’.

But are they really ‘balanced’ or ‘living a balanced lifestyle’?

Social media gets a bad rep for people just showcasing their highs and for not being a well-rounded, encompassing picture of someone’s life (I personally like this, i don’t want to see evidence of everyone’s unwashed dishes). What I actually think is more of an issue with social media is that it is (all too often) abused as mechanism for projecting a false identity. Take someone preaching ‘balance’. What do their prior postings show? Have they actually changed their lifestyle? Or have they (which i sadly find to be the case more often) not gone to the gym one day and used that isolated behaviour to define themselves as balanced?

Say they have been gradually changing their lifestyle from a relentless 7 day a week gym goer to 3 times a week with weekly pizzas. Does this mean they are ‘balanced’ now? In all honesty, you have no idea from words alone. What about their mindset as they were eating pizza? What were they thinking about? If all they were considering was the extra hour of cardio they were going to do tomorrow, then this isn’t balanced at all. Balanced nutritionally maybe, but not balanced mentally. And if you aren’t balanced in all aspects of your life, can you really claim a balanced lifestyle?

How do we define balance anyway? To me, I live a balanced life in many respects – I tend to have sufficient time to accomplish everything I want to. For me, this involves a couple of hours engaging in physical activity each day. It involves walking my dog a good few miles each day. It involves waking up at 5am so I have time to spend 20 mins doing my make-up and cooking a breakfast. To me, this is balanced. To someone else, this is over-kill.

I don’t claim I am ‘properly balanced’, as, like a swinging pendulum, balance is temporary, achieved for a split second. I am not opposed to the word, or to people preaching balance, but I am asking that you consider that someone else’s balance is not yours. How you define balance is different to how your best friend does. And, like with everything online, take the good from what you read to positively influence you, but don’t let it consume you. Someone else’s choices do not define you, whether these be ‘balanced’ or otherwise.

-Benchpressingbaubles, x

When You’re Up Against It

When you’re up against a trouble,

Don’t go down without a fight;

It may seem overwhelming,

But in the end will be right.

When you’re up against a worry,

It is normal to feel that way,

Take a big deep breath and realize,

You won’t even remember this thought someday.

When you’re up against a concern,

Share it with a person or three,

Communication can be everything

In easing the pain to a degree.

When you’re up against a fear,

Don’t let it consume your being,

Take some steps to plan action,

To make that fear be fleeing.

When you’re up against a burden,

Tackle it head on and straight away,

No good came of hiding,

From what may be crippling your day.

When you’re up against a panic,

Know that others have been there too,

There is no shame in asking

For advice on how to pursue.

When you’re up against a dread,

Realize you will come out the other side,

Rarely are events as bad as you think,

Even if through them you relentlessly cried.

When you’re up against trepidation,

It is okay to carefully tread,

Seek ways you can change the process,

To make the experience positive instead.

-Benchpressingbaubles, x

You Cannot Grow Physically Without Growing Mentally

The New Year is typically a time for resolutions and a clean slate, with many people setting New Years’ Resolutions. I am one of those people, and looking back on years gone past, it is interesting to see the recurring failed and upheld goals each year. Rewind 6 years and what I was aiming to achieve is worlds apart from what I am aiming to achieve now. While a big transformation of mine has been my appearance, perhaps a bigger transformation is my mental progression and strength. I would argue that both the physical and mental growth have been interdependent, with the relationship between the two infiltrating all aspects of my life.

Contrary to popular belief, 6 years ago was probably the first time I ever stepped foot in a gym. I had always been interested in sport and played tennis to a good standard throughout my youth. I can’t say at any point in my teens or very early-twenties did I make exercise a priority (in fact, one of my school reports in P.E. said I spent more time applying make-up than I did participating!) However, after seeing some very unflattering photos of myself on holiday, I decided that the university diet of alcohol and cheesy fries had come to the end of its life. I regained my interest in fitness by participating in three local half marathons and loved the adrenalin boost (as well as the novelty of being able to cast my water bottle aside like they do in the Olympics!), but my love of the gym really began by giving by boyfriend at the time my credit card to sign me up for a membership. I knew without that conviction, it would remain an open tab on my Internet browser.

Forever being frugal, I was not about to pay for a monthly membership that I didn’t use, so I started going to group fitness classes. I found these so rewarding; seeing week on week progression along with the social aspect of meeting other like-minded people was a real positive influence. Over time, as well as becoming physically fitter, I noticed improvements in my posture too – causing me to ‘grow’ about an inch (and finally be taller than my Mom, a check mark on the bucket list I never thought I would be able to apply!) Though some of these classes used weights, they weren’t ‘proper weights’ (think lurid colored dumbbells that look like cat toys!) and I didn’t dare step foot in the weight room among all that testosterone. It took one of my friends competing in a bikini bodybuilding show (I had always previously thought bodybuilding was for gigantic, masculine physiques), that I was persuaded to try the weights room. Only under strict supervision from a personal trainer did I ever enter there, but he persevered with me and taught me the basics. I became hooked; the feeling of the weights was so different to what I had encountered in the classes and I wanted more. He began writing me a training and nutrition program and taught me how to deadlift.

A year or so later, I emigrated to the US and decided to challenge myself by signing up for a fitness photoshoot. I was put on a strict meal, cardio and exercise plan for about 20 weeks and dropped around 25lbs. It was a testing journey; much more mentally than physically. It taught me true grit and showed me just how resilient and determined (stubborn you might even say!) I am. My calories got very low and my cardio got to be around 90 minutes a day near the end, but my adherence felt empowering. The day of the photoshoot was incredible; I felt self-satisfaction about my body that I had never felt before.

The feeling of elation was fleeting as the weeks after were probably more mentally tough than the whole 20 week prep; I had no ‘exit strategy’; no plan for afterwards and felt so lost. I entered a horrible cycle of bingeing and starving myself and gained back around 20lbs of my lost weight very quickly. I felt like a complete failure. After hitting rock bottom, I hired another coach and began personal training sessions here in the US. That structure was exactly what I needed – less so for the accountability, more so for the actual guidance. I found that my training sessions were more intense; I was able to push through pain and never gave up. That initial prep where I had trained when I just wanted to cry really brought out the fighter in me, along with the feeling of never wanting to let myself down again. Working out at this point had solidified to be an integral aspect of my identity.

Feeling such passion for health and fitness, I decided to start a blog and an Instagram, in the hopes of networking and finding like-minded people. It was one of the best simple decisions I have ever made. It has allowed me to share my everyday ‘fitness’ self with those who want to hear/see about it and it has opened me up to a wealth of opportunities and introduced me to some of my closest friends. One of the opportunities was the offer to receive full coaching sponsorship in 2017. My training and nutrition were prescribed and I was coached through 2 bikini bodybuilding competitions, something I had always set on doing since I saw my friend compete in one several years prior. While I enjoyed the process, and was so much more mentally ready for it having done the photoshoot before, it really just wasn’t for me. I found seeing my strength decrease so frustrating and could never really feel comfortable posing (anyone who knows me knows that strutting around in a bikini is just not my personality). I also came off stage expecting to feel invigorated and inspired, and I just left both shows with feelings of emptiness (and not just from hunger!)

Having learnt the hard way before, I reverse dieted out of my shows (the process of slowly adding calories back in rather than going from 1,200kcal a day to 2,000 overnight) and actually dropped bodyweight. This time I kept the weight off (in fact, I currently am about 3lbs lighter than I was on stage). What I found I had enjoyed about bodybuilding was the competitive aspect…so I decided to pursue powerlifting. I went to watch a couple of friends compete in the latter half of 2017 and I just found the whole environment so uplifting. I wanted a piece of it.

When my sponsorship ended, I decided to coach myself. Having been coached for many years on both training and nutrition, I felt I had a sufficient grasp to be able to take it on. I also signed up for my first powerlifting competition in February of this year….and loved it. I stood out as a complete rookie; from not having any of the gear to not knowing what was going on most of the time, but it didn’t matter. Competitors and judges alike were just so supportive and I found the environment invigorating and inspirational. I was part of a sport where world record holders were cheering me on to lift my ‘miniscule-in-comparison’ weights.

It wasn’t until September of this year that I competed again; this time with a friend in Minneapolis. We both ended up winning the whole competition and one of the proudest moments of my life was my third deadlift; lifting 286.6lbs (2.5x my body weight). In November, I competed in my 3^rd competition and won my weight class, qualifying nationally. I now have a new coach as I feel I need expertise far beyond my own to help me progress in the gym, but I still write my own nutrition plan (I may be small, but I put away a lot of food!)

Even a year ago, I couldn’t possibly have imagined reaching this point in my fitness journey. My success this year is not in isolation; it is an accumulation of previous endeavors, good and bad, mental and physical. A new year is the perfect time for goal setting, but it is also a perfect time to realize that you can go far beyond any goal you have in mind. Onwards and very definitely upwards.

-Benchpressingbaubles, x

Does “Good Try” Really Mean “Good Try” Or Does It Mean “No Success”?

“Good try”.

Ever heard those words and thought “Aww, how cute. They tried hard but didn’t accomplish the objective?”

I remember as a child, stamps in my books from the teacher saying ‘Good try’. These were the ultimate recognition that you really didn’t understand the work. As a teacher myself, often I would start a comment with ‘Good try’ when I was really struggling for something positive to say about the output, but knew that the child had dedicated at least some time in an attempt to complete the work.

Publicly recognizing achievements in assemblies or at awards ceremonies, ‘trying hard’ was often used as a descriptor to acknowledge those children who weren’t academically high achievers, but did work hard each day. Rarely did you hear stories regarding effort from within the classroom if the child was also deemed highly intelligent; academic attainment typically took precedent.

From a young age, we are conditioned to believe that academic success is the ultimate achievement and that exuding effort is secondary. Those children who can effortlessly achieve anything (and realize it) are seldom taught to value effort, as, well, ‘they don’t need to’. I have delivered many parent/teacher conferences and whenever I told the parents that their child lacked effort, (rarely was any parent surprised at this information) but did well in school, most parents laughed it off, because, again…why does their child need to exert effort if they are over-achieving? Isn’t that a waste of energy?

Millennials receive a lot of negative press about being entitled and expecting opportunities to arrive in their laps and, arguably, lots of this is due to societal conditioning where effort is regarded as inferior to attainment. Ironically, beyond the structured world of academia, rarely does society value effort in the same way. Very few people can successfully contribute to society based solely on their success, and those who do, are often stigmatized as being arrogant. Think world class soccer players, for example. Those players who rely solely on their elite talents are rarely in the media for how much ‘team spirit’ they contributed to, or for the fact they are celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary.

In both the working and recreational world, as adults, effort takes precedence more frequently. People would rather devote time to someone who tries rather than someone who clearly grasps concepts easily with an air of arrogance. In fact, it is one of the things I love most about fitness. You can buy yourself boobs, pretty nails or a sun tan. But you cannot buy your physique anything like as easily. Sure, you can get liposuction or take drugs, but, for most people, the results are so unpredictable, and, for such an expense, most people simply do not bother.

A toned physique requires continuous effort and maintenance, almost every day. Again, sure, you can have days here and there where you don’t exercise or eat ice-cream for dinner, but unless these episodes form the minority of your habits, you cannot (literally and figuratively) have your cake and eat it. Ironically, people often look towards those with good figures as being self-obsessed and vain (both, arguably, sharing similarities with arrogance), yet, actually, having such a physique is testament to relentless effort. People seek quick fixes, but seldom do these pay off.

A “good try” is often the driving force behind us getting results. A “good try” at work shows loyalty, dedication and passion. A “good try” in a relationship shows commitment, trust and care. A “good try” in fitness shows determination, resilience and pride. A “good try” at anything encompasses all these descriptors and more. We want people to be triers, yet to break this ever-strengthening stereotype that younger people don’t try, I suggest we first frame how we project ‘trying’ to the littlest of people.

-Benchpressingbaubles, x

2018: The Year of Goals not Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions. You either love them or hate them. Make them or break them. (Or a mixture of all four). I am a big advocate of goal setting; from the short-term to the long-term and to everything in-between. I find it keeps me focused and has enabled me to progress in all areas of my life I value. Looking back at my 2017 resolutions, I have had mixed success (and some of my resolutions, I no longer wish to achieve now; isn’t it funny how much difference one year makes?!) With that being said, I am slightly changing how I set my resolutions for 2018 as I find the word ‘resolution’ suggests emphasis on the change in behaviour and some of my goals for the year don’t require a modification in behaviour, but more persistence or more work. So I am bringing out the rebel in me and getting 2018 goals, not resolutions.

Fitness

1. Squat 200lbs. Yes, this was a resolution last year. I am still working on this…
2. Deadlift 300lbs.
3. Benchpress 135lbs (I really just want to benchpress with one big plate each side!)
4. Compete in a powerlifting competition.
5. Continue to do yoga weekly all through the year.

Nutrition

1. Give up diet soda for good. I go through periods of time of drinking tonnes of the stuff and then other times when I don’t touch it. I have found it makes me break out and it makes my stomach feel odd, so I am aiming to get rid of it from my diet completely, choosing sparkling water instead.
2. Continue with reducing chemicals I ingest. You may (or may not) have noticed that I have been using a lot less of the calorie free, chemically high sauces and syrups in my diet. I want to continue with this. It may look like I eat a lot of sweet meals, but actually the nutritional profile has improved significantly from earlier in the year.
3. Continue baking more and cooking more meals from scratch, including grilling on the BBQ. I don’t make the most of the BBQ, even plain grilled BBQ chicken tastes amazing.
4. Stock pile on food less. I am all about the mental health at the moment and am trying to ditch as many extreme dieting habits as I can. When I did my first photoshoot, I began hoarding food. I don’t ‘hoard’ food now, but I do tend to buy things for the sake of it, rather than it being on promotion or planning on eating it immediately. My goal is to buy what I need and then if I cannot justify the purchase of anything else (am I going to eat it this week/is it on promotion/is it limited edition?) then it stays on the grocery shelf. It sounds silly, but this would be a huge accomplishment!

Life

1. Get a promotion. This was also a goal last year (or, resolution), which I achieved, but doesn’t stop it being on my radar for this year either…
2. Read 6 novels. I am bad at reading books. Almost as bad as I am at watching TV. I think 6 novels is achievable, but will still be a challenge (4 more books than this year!)
3. Wear lipstick/lip gloss every time I wear make up. Sounds vain, but I rarely wear anything on my lips and it was only when I saw pictures of myself this holiday season next to my sister, that I realized the value of a bit of lippy!
4. Visit 2 places I have never been before. In terms of travel, 2017 has been great. I have been to Southern California, Denver, New York, New Jersey, Washington DC and Chicago. I got a lot out of these trips, both for work and pleasure, so want to continue doing that!
5. Ditch consuming social media in the evenings on week days. Instead, use the time to stretch and foam roll. Trying to make my time more productive!

What does 2018 have in store for you?!

-Benchpressingbaubles, x